Parody-Sue
Chapter One: Sparklingpaw Is Prettier Than You Hello, my name is Sparklingpaw! I'm obviously prettier than you! And I'm so not a Mary-Sue! And it's so not annoying when every single sentence ends with an exclamation point! My mother's name is Beautyspirit! She's almost as beautiful as me, but not quite! When I was born every cat was blinded by my beautifulness! Oh, wait, I guess that would be 'beauty!' Ah well! Like most Mary-Sue stories, spelling and grammar don't matter at all! Only this isn't a Mary-Sue story because I am in no way a Mary-Sue! Heck, I'm so not Mary-Sue that if I weren't the smartest cat in the world I wouldn't even know what Mary-Sue means! Speaking of my being the smartest cat ever, did you know that 3958305840 x 8300403 + 9 = 32855533669253529?! Well it does! Ok I'll stop using exclamation marks now! Anyway, Beautyspirit is some made-up sister of Goldenflower. What do you mean, my dear Auntie Goldy doesn't have a sister? Of course she does! She's just not in the allegiances, not in the series, and never talked about, same as moi! The fact that Beautyspirit is Auntie Goldy's sister makes us both *gasp* MADE-UP RELATIVES OF THE CANON CHARACTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZOMG THAT IS SOOOO NOT A MARY-SUE TRAIT! I was walking down the street showing off my beautifulness to all those unworthy cats when a tabby tom walked up to me. "Are you Sparklingpaw?" he asked. I nodded and blinked my pretty amethyst-purple eyes that cried lovely glittering crystal tears and changed color based on my mood, as did my fur, claws, nose, dirt, saliva, tongue, brain, and tail. My glittering/sparkling tears were my namesake; when I became a warrior I would probably be Sparklingtear or Sparklingcrystal or Sparklingeyes or whatever. Sparklingbeauty or Sparklingperfection would work, too. "I'm Tigerstar, but since Goldenflower's your aunt you can call me Uncle Tiggy." "Hi, Uncle Tiggy!" I said in my lovely high-pitched but not annoying voice that sounded like gorgeous golden bells. "May I have your autograph, oh beautiful Sparklingpaw?" I gave him my autograph. Just then, all the toms in the forest (not including those extremely fortunate cats who were lucky enough to be my kin) magically fell in love with me! Chapter Two: Everyone Likes Sparklingpaw They all fell to the ground to worship me. "Spar-kling-paw! Spar-kling-paw! Spar-kling-paw!" they chanted. "Spar-kling-paw! Spar-kling-paw! Spar-kling-paw!" I laughed. "Oh, no, please don't," I giggled modestly. "I'm too humble." But they adored me so much that eventually I stopped brushing off the much-deserved compliments. "I'm starting a new Clan called SparklingClan. We'll all live in it together and nobody fights, ever! Plus also, we let kittypets, loners, rogues, Twolegs, badgers, foxes, dogs, rabbits, squirrels, and mice into our Clan." They all nodded in agreement. Suddenly, Bluestar walked up to me. "Oh, magnificent Sparklingpaw!" she exclaimed. "You are going to be leader of SparklingClan. We're letting you skip most of your apprenticeship and becoming a warrior and deputy just so you can become a leader!" Everybody cheered for me. "Sparklingstar, will you be my mate?" asked Graystripe. Halftail said the same thing. And so did... Runningwind Mousewhisker Berrynose Fireheart Lionblaze Jayfeather Barkface Whitestorm Spiderleg Birchfall Dustpelt Smoky Purdy Barley Smudge Rainwhisker Hawkfrost Tadpole Crookedstar Brokentail Raggedstar Thistleclaw Tigerstar Ravenpaw Sharpclaw Stormfur Stoneteller Oakheart Stonefur Cloudtail Brackenfur Thornclaw Crowfeather Breezepelt Darkstripe Nightstar Mosskit ...and a million other cats! But oh no, they're not good enough for me. So I didn't mate with any of them. Just then, a brown she-cat with blue eyes came in. Chapter Three: Sparklingstar Dies "Who are you?" I asked. "My name is Goldenbird," she hissed. "I'm another one of Sparrowsong's fan characters. Unlike you, I'm not a Mary-Sue." I gasped. "How can you say such a thing?" I asked her as magical tears fell from my stunning eyes that had flecks of emerald-green and just a hint of beautiful bright red in them. "I'm not a Mary-Sue!" I let out a terrified scream. The last thing I saw was Goldenbird giving me a killing-bite to the throat. GOLDENBIRD POV I wiped the Mary-Sue's blood off my paws and licked it off my lips. I was quite proud of myself for killing off that despicably perfect she-cat. I felt a little sad, somehow. Was it because I wanted to be just like her? "Well," I meowed. "It's time for me to go back to my normal, Sue-free world." With that I turned around and left. TAWNYPAW POV It was a dark and stormy night. Actually, it wasn't a dark and stormy night - it was a sickeningly beautiful sunny day. All because of Sparklingstar. I was hiding in a cave along with Goldenflower, Bramblepaw, Sasha, and every other cat who had the sense to get away from that Mary-Sue before they fell into her trap. There was a sudden noise. Bramblepaw and I looked up, horrified, but were relieved when we didn't see Sparklingstar. She was a small grey she-cat with pretty amber eyes and a long tail. She didn't look like a Sue. Although, she was pretty and small, which could be considered Sue-ish. But hey, we all have some Sue traits. She looked a bit nervous and unintimidating, too. I decided she was out of Sue territory. "Who are you?" she asked before I could say the same. "I'm Tawnypaw," I introduced. "And this is my brother, Bramblepaw. We're hiding from that awful Sue." "My name is Mistytail. It's safe to come out - my sister Goldenbird killed her." We all came out, excited and thrilled to be rid of Sparklingstar once and for all. The End